I could write for days about this. Some days he’s the parent, some days he’s the child; never your partner and your equal. I’m not talking about the rituals we get into of daft communication that no one outside our relationships would understand, or the times you ask for help and advice… no, I mean the disciplinarian, disapproving, punishing behaviour. This behaviour can be flipped on Traits Of Toxic Parents its head at a moment’s notice, and you have no idea what sets it off. Being told that you’re not very good… here, let me do it, I can do that better; another manifestation is giving you the silent treatment, and then when you’ve been punished enough, being a model of concern.
This behaviour is cruel, and hurtful, and leads into:
Resistance to the other two leads to sulking, and moves them even further into the child behaviour. You can never win with a sulk, no matter what you do. There will always be some imagined slight; let’s say, for example, you have asked for permission! to go for a drink with your friends, he’s agreed, and everything is fine. So, how do you react when you return home to find him in bed at 8pm with the lights off?
Is there anything you could have done to prevent that happening? Of course there is. You could have not gone out. When a narcissistic partner gives you permission to do something without them, they don’t mean it. Not ever. And you will know about it, every time.
So, if you’ve been out of your harsh relationship for some time, and you are struggling with your mojo and feeling deserving and worthy, these are some of the reasons why. It can take a little more than simply leaving to get over this. When you’ve spent your partnership being groomed, it’s difficult to just pick up the pieces of the confidence you had before; it means ditching habits, learning new behaviour and moving on.
Paula Jones is a qualified life coachShe dedicates her time to helping women who have been in a toxic relationship to recover their mojo and get back the confidence and self-esteem they left behind. She is now happily married to a fabby man who makes her laugh every day and reminds her of what it’s like to feel valued and respected and gently made fun of. Life is good again…